Our Doing Lives

It is a good time to question how our ‘doing lives’ define us

For the majority of my life, I have been proud of being a doer. In fact I come from a long line of doers. My grandmother was, my mother is, and I’m recognizing that by my example, my 13-year old daughter is definitely a doer.

Yet, this isn’t just a family trait, it is a trait of most, if not all of the contexts that I live in. To let go of my bias towards action has required a dismantling of a systemic bias of a world that I am a part of. A world that I have helped to create.

But the truth is, many suffer from doing too much. This crippling addiction is affecting all of us to the tune of billions of dollars a year in health care costs, corporate burn-out, and wasted effort. It has contributed to broken relationships and a loss of our truest sense of who we are in the world.

What makes this dilemma between doing and not doing even more difficult to overcome, is that this idea of taking action — being in the world as “doers” — is not only accepted — it is honored, encouraged, and expected. It’s an identity, rooted in our culture.

While we absolutely make an impact on the world through our actions, our actions should be a natural extension of who we are. Instead, what we do…has become the definition of who we are.

Here are 5 DOERS I’ve identified and come to know…and in some ways, find myself in each of them. As you read about these 5 DOERS, see if you identify with one or more of them.

1. The Achieving Doer: They do to be recognized, and build-up their sense of self. They have likely always been acknowledged for their ability to get things done so what they achieve is directly connected to their self-worth.
2. The Avoiding Doer: They do to avoid being confronted with whatever is actually more important. As they keep themselves occupied with tasks, they avoid facing the bigger questions and challenges in life.
3. The Controlling Doer: They do because they want it done and are often not willing to wait for someone else to do it. While that makes them feel more in control, that same control can push others away so they end up feeling alone and unsupported.
4. The Perfecting Doer: They do because they think no-one else can do it as well as them. Their standards often result in over-engineering and over-efforting and yet, no matter how well things are done, it still never quite feels good enough.
5. The Supporting Doer: They do for others, and are really good at it. Doing makes them feel needed but also obligated, and when they do too much without asking for anything in return, they end up feeling unappreciated and resentful.

All DOERS share commitments, deadlines, events, projects — things we authentically want to do, others we believe we have to do, and sometimes both are likely true. Yet we have the freedom to choose whether we become action addicts. Whether we have our doing life…or it has us.

Which of these doers most resonate with you? Where are you being called to re-think your doing life? What would it feel like to have your doing life as opposed to it having you? What would or could be meaningfully different in your life as a result?

Please share your thoughts! My Ted Talk — Authentic Inaction: Undoing the Doing in a Do Crazy World — is out in late April 2020 which will be followed by a book in 2021. I am looking for fellow action junkies to be interviewed and share their stories so I can explore this concept further. If you would like to reach out to me more personally, feel free to send me an email at reneedineen@gmail.com.

Being an action junky is an addiction, and like other addictions, recovery is possible. When we begin to undo the doing in our own do-crazy worlds, we’ll begin living a healthier and more authentic life.

My hope in my own life, is to stay committed to my own recovery. To wholeheartedly believe that who I am, what I have, and what I have done is already enough.